Essay Revision

 Feedback from Thesis and outline

I really love your topic. I think it is interesting and relevant- I know I can relate!

We need to work on your thesis as well as your outline here.

Thesis- this should be the CLAIM you are making about procrastination… Not a question. You may want to consider answering the question: why do people procrastinate? It should be a statement you can back up and use examples to support in your three body paragraphs. No questions should be present in your thesis.

The outline looks great!

Feedback from Essay 

You are off to a good start with this paper. Please see my comments below, as well as the rubric attached, for revision.

What you did well: 

-As I said in my feedback for your Planning assignment, I think you’ve chosen an excellent topic, just the right size and subject matter for an expository essay of 500–900 words.

-It was a pleasure to read this draft. The sentences flow smoothly, with a nice variety of construction. 

For revision:

– Your body paragraphs don’t seem to follow the outline in your planning document. Also, your thesis should be stated in your introduction, not separately. You also should not state your research question separately. 

-I think you’ve tried to create an implied thesis here, but it hasn’t worked. I’m having trouble figuring out what your thesis is without your telling me. The solution is not difficult: Write a thesis statement and insert it into your introductory paragraph.